Never say Never again

Some musings….random, disconnected thoughts flitted through the mind like aimless clouds on a summer afternoon. And I realized that there was-to quote a one-time favourite- Robert Ludlum-a method in the madness sorry, random-ness. Each passing sentiment stemmed from a familiar root: things I had said I would never do. I began enumerating them, mentally, and before one could say ‘never again’ I had counted at least five things I had sworn I would never do……………….

A reasonably bright student of one of the best schools possible, I had a healthy disdain for just about every college, when the time came for me to choose the institution that would have the privilege of having me as its pupil. Nothing seemed good enough and the long list of places I wouldn’t enroll in far outnumbered the paltry number of places I would condescend to go to. (Such was the naive conceit of youth… ah!) Topping the list of places/colleges I wouldn’t go to was Patna, the place my parents would want me to choose, I always sensed (they never actually put it into words)-I would never go to Bihar for higher studies, I maintained with studied arrogance, there was no college there that was good enough. I would either go to Cal or better still to Delhi-that was the place to be in. Delhi was firmly ruled out by Papa (B.H.U was as far as he would allow me, he said. D.U, in those days, was too closely associated with drugs for his comfort) Once the ISC exams were over, I made a recci of all the reputed colleges of Calcutta-Presidency, Loreto House, St.Xavier’s, Sri Shikshayatan while still awaiting the results. Came the results and by some quirk of fate, having managed a good score, I got a call from St. Stephen’s College, Delhi but dad dear decided to come down heavy-handed. All my pleas fell on deaf ears as he refused to budge. No way, not Delhi was his unequivocal stand- I wouldn’t be allowed to set foot on the vaunted grounds of this most prestigious of colleges. Ahem!! I retreated for the time being; deciding that the battle could be deferred till his stance thawed and the time for action actually came. Studied strategy……..

And then the unimaginable happened: an incidental trip to Patna with my mom, an equally casual visit to the Patna Women’s College premises and I was floored.

I went, I saw, I was conquered.

Forgotten was all that ranting against ‘never studying in Bihar’-Patna Women’s College was thechosen college-it seemed to be beckoning me; all other alluring options were forgotten: very inexplicably, it became my first choice. The rest, as they so tritely say, is history.

Well, four years went by-some very eventful, others a trifle mundane. But the one thing constant was the extremely high fun quotient: we made sure we enjoyed every moment of our stay in the college and especially in the hostel. Some more nevers got pompously uttered by me-most of them to fall flat in my face a few years later. These were sometimes about momentous turn of events, at others, about downright silly, ridiculous things. The latter happened on occasions that were few and far between but did happen nonetheless. Sometimes, all of us crazy coots would get into animated-rather juvenile-discussions on the kind of individual we would say aye to……………eventually (‘cos at that point of time, marriage was furthest from our minds but this was considered a merry pastime) Alka and I would be vehement about the fact that we would never marry a guy unless he had a short and smart name a la an Amit (Amitabh Bachchan hangover?) or a Ravi (were we Shashi Kapoor fans too??!I don’t remember)-I guess the fact that years down the line, the two of us finally wedded chaps called Harikant and Lakshmeshwar respectively is ample testimony to the ludicrousness of such pronouncements!

Another vehement no was to the idea of marrying guys studying in good old Patna University-that too in the Arts stream. Coming as we did from families steeped in the tradition of engineering, an engineer-or at least a Science product- was what we considered respectable. Needless to say, this never also saw us both eating our words as we finally walked to the altar-and very chirpily at that- with banker grooms with distinctly historic bents of mind, and in my case, a P.U product to boot!!

Anyone would be forgiven if s/he thought that these debacles mellowed me and taught me a lesson or two about not being very strong in my views; or at least not expressing them so foolishly in public. But some people just don’t learn, so I went blithely along my way, making distinct declarations about certain things that were absolute no-no s for me. One such-and I had maintained this right through my post-graduate years and subsequently- (having refused to attend an interview where I was short listed and called to present myself) opinion was that the one profession I would never choose was lectureship. Whoever wanted to be a lecturer, I argued? A lecturer’s was the dullest, the most boring and the lousiest of jobs, I proclaimed to all and sundry. But almost a decade after the royal rejection of this profession, I tamely went for the interview for the selfsame position and, what’s more, in a lesser-known University than the prestigious P.U which I hadn’t deigned to be a part of, years before.

On being selected, I joined with alacrity despite the fact that my posting was in a god-forsaken place, all of 100 kilometers from home and though these visits were bi-weekly, they entailed considerable effort and agony. But I went on unfazed and undeterred: my indomitable spirit was rewarded when I got a transfer to a good college close to home but then I’m digressing. The point to be noted here is that, yet again, I had not only ventured into an avenue that I had thought was anathema to me but actually enjoyed it to the hilt. The rapport that I could strike with my students and the sheer sense of joy that suffused me each time they did well at exams, were rewards beyond compare. I loved teaching………I felt I had found my true vocation.

Decades passed: good, fulfilling years, when I grew in my role and responsibilities and was all but settled for life. Till one fine day, the better half dropped a bomb shell-he had applied for a transfer to Delhi. No way I screamed-there was no way I would ever go there. NEVER!! I had this comfortable, permanent job, our kids were in excellent schools and doing very well, we had a home in the city and most important, their schools were affiliated to the ICSE Board. I couldn’t dream of changing this. (Especially as I was aware that most Delhi schools had switched over to the CBSE Board and that was another never for me. All of us having been products of the ISC/ICSE Board, CBSE was unthinkable.) So there was no question of us even contemplating moving, let alone actually doing so. In any case, I would very complacently tell anyone who cared to listen “You can re-plant a sapling; you can’t transplant a full-grown tree!” How would we-middle-aged and more or less settled in our chosen fields-manage to adapt to an unfamiliar environment, a completely new lifestyle? However, this didn’t really worry me too much as one, then two, three, four years passed and there was total silence. No word from the bank, no sign of a transfer. I heaved a sigh of relief……

Till, in the fifth year, the unbelievable happened! My husband received his transfer orders: we had to move to Delhi.

For the first time, I did not say never. Instead, I decided to don the harness, get ready for the battle and jump into the arena. We packed our bags and books and made our first, tentative foray to the capital, scouting around for a good school. One by one, things fell into place-first the kids’ school, then a job for me, a new home came next, shifting, moving, settling down, adjusting became ever-recurring words in our lives.

And in the entire process-though a bit late in Life-I learnt the valuable lesson that nothing is impossible or undoable, as long as we put our hearts and minds into the challenge at hand.

I have tried to banish never from my dictionary ever since. Never again!!